


Recollection

by charmandhex



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: I've already been yelled at for this fic fair warning, So functionally a hit on the boy, Taako remembers Lup during the Moonlighting inoculation, rated t for cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 01:58:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15571218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmandhex/pseuds/charmandhex
Summary: There was a lot Taako, Magnus, and Merle remembered the first time they were inoculated. There was even more they didn't. This is what happens if Taako remembers something, or someone, more.





	Recollection

            It seems that there is almost a shift in his thoughts, like the smallest displacement of a lens bringing the world into focus once more, as it has not been for a decade. And Taako remembers. He remembers Killian asking if they were here for the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet and Magic Brian asking if they were members of the Bureau of Balance. And then he remembers further, past the past five or so years, past Sizzle It Up, never intended to be a solo act.

            The memories of the Relic Wars are ten years old and sort of hazy at first, growing in clarity as he mentally shakes off years of dust and cobwebs that had accumulated on the missing memories. So many had died, so many had been lost, including…

            “Lup,” is the first word out of Taako’s mouth, a gasp of realization and pain, as he sinks to the ground, mindless of the world around him. For the moment at least, none of it matters, nothing more than dust. How could he have forgotten Lup?

            There’s Lup, with him, the both of them on their toes and straining, barely managing to peek over the counter as their aunt explains her turkey recipe. That dark night running away from relatives who never wanted them is now illuminated by a small fire in Lup’s right hand, while Taako’s own hand is clenched around her left. Stealing money and food, spell books and components is a two elf job, and Taako doesn’t explore the different schools of magic on his own, but with Lup up until the point they decide and diverge. They’ve always been together. Outcast, but never alone. And Lup, forgotten, but not, not entirely. Memories returned, Taako can easily piece together the once frayed and torn weaving of his life, finding the now excruciatingly obvious holes that her absence left and pinning it back together with memories of what and who his heart was. Is. Was?

            Lup had gone after… a Relic? Which one… he doesn’t even know what they all are though, he never has. The why is the greater and more important mystery; he should remember that, shouldn’t he? Perhaps it was just he’d never truly understood what had drawn Lup away from him. He remembers a note, left upon a kitchen counter in… wherever they’d been staying at the time, because that had never been important, not with the two of them together. Indeed, the memories mirror the importance. In a hazy recollection, in surroundings that matter little, Lup’s note and its two quickly and confidently scrawled words, “Back soon,” burn with perfect clarity in Taako’s mind, just like Lup herself. Lup, burning, bright, brilliant. Extinguished.

            He’d been trying to cheer her up. He didn’t see what was actually happening. And then she was gone. She never came back, and the loss… the loss had nearly destroyed Taako. He’d barely ate, slept, just searching for Lup. He’d been certain she wasn’t dead, that he just had to find her, because nothing in the world could keep them apart for long.

            But something had. Lup is gone. And as the shock fades slowly, like afterimages of fireworks against the night sky, the pain of her loss is just as sharp and pervasive as it was when she disappeared. It seems almost funny to be grateful for it, but he is, for the memories it accompanies. Lup is gone. All that remains is memory.

 

* * *

 

            “…Are you all right, Taako?” The Director asks, apparently concerned.

            Taako’s attention snaps back to the present from the moment ten years ago that he’s been living in since he remembered. It’s easy enough to brush off her questions and his preoccupation as a minor thing, a simple quirk of an idiot wizard. He’s always been cagey and untrusting, with everyone. But no, that’s wrong, not everyone. Lup was the exception, of course, the one person he trusts implicitly.

            His perception of himself as an idiot wizard may be wrong as well. Certainly, despite his frequently apathetic attitude, he’d worked just as hard as Lup to master magic, and she’s one of the best arcanists out there, natch. Was.

            For this test of initiation, they have to pick between themselves who is the strongest, the smartest, and the bravest. Taako’s not the strongest, not by a long shot. Lup had always been stronger. Taako’s certain he’s not the smartest. Sure, he’d kept up with Lup, but he hasn’t been that person in ten years. Taako’s never been particularly brave, to his mind. That was more Lup’s thing, the line between bravery and obstinacy blurred, backing down not an option. But Lup’s gone. And Taako has to step up if he’s going to find her this time. He’s _going_ to find her this time.

            There’s a celebration after the test (and healing -not by Merle- because Taako _was_ punched so hard that he almost died). Ordinarily that would entirely be Taako’s scene, pointing out every flaw in the food, but… it’s really Taako _and_ Lup’s scene. The edge of the moon base seems as good a place as any to take some time for some uncharacteristic self-reflection. The air this high up is clear and the openness and altitude of the moon base oddly welcoming.

            He has a sister. Had a sister. He wasn’t… fuck, this changes everything, doesn’t it? It’s difficult to reconcile the past ten years, spent never truly relying on anyone or anything with the certainty of someone who never had, with the knowledge that Lup was always there for him and he for her. They have each other’s back; that’s how the twins _do_.

            It’s still difficult to sort through everything, even after the racing influx when he initially remembered. Lingering aftereffects from the Director’s pet no doubt. A childhood characterized mostly by neglect and impermanence, with stolen moments of brilliance and magic, hard won by two determined young elves. And then… work, Taako guesses. More of the same, but with less likelihood of getting pushed around by something far bigger than them. Home for Taako had never been a place but a person. It’s really the moments following Lup’s disappearance that he focuses on, excavating through strata of memory with all the precision of a workaholic scientist, finding his way back to finding his sister.

            After Lup’s disappearance, he’d spent months searching for her, day and night and day again, barely taking a moment to eat or meditate. He’d been a shadow of himself, but then, without Lup, he was little more than a shadow of himself to begin with. He’d only faded further, nearly gone himself, as time went on, and Lup didn’t come back. His exhaustion then is to his disadvantage now, and he can hardly recall the leads he’d followed or where he’d searched. The last thing he recalls before the instant that feeling of static started creeping in, insidious and implacable, obscuring Lup’s face, Lup’s voice, Lup herself- _who?_ Taako frantically shakes off the feeling, because no, this isn’t then, he remembers, and he’s not losing Lup again, not now. He sucks in several breaths of clear night air, grounding himself through breathing and painstakingly recalling Lup’s face down to every last freckle.

            The last lead he remembers is some hella necromantic energy outta the Felicity Wilds. Not particularly helpful, since no way would Lup ever touch necromancy. He’ll have to start from scratch, and he’ll take advantage of every scrap of information available here at the Bureau. They’ve been tracking these Relics for who the fuck knows how long. There has to be something useful here. So, yeah, he might be taking the gig, seems to pay well enough, but Taako’s really just in it to finally find the only thing that really matters to him in this whole fuckin’ planar system.

            Planning helps. Taako’s usually not big on planning, but planning helps right now. Planning distracts him from the distinct feeling that remembering has shredded his soul, scars he had forgotten were there ripped open anew, and upended his whole life. At the same time, remembering also allows him to piece himself back together, reclaiming bits, pieces, and the very foundation of himself, and it feels as though things have finally been righted. At least partially.

            “You aren’t celebrating?” A voice, cautious and dripping with gravitas, asks from behind him. Taako turns to face his new employer, calculated and lazy smile already in place.

            “Listen, cha’boy’ll celebrate when there’s something to actually celebrate. Maybe when we get some kind of streak going…” He shrugs nonchalantly, but his affect is somewhat off. But not like the Director knows him well enough to see through that.

            The Director smiles, and it’s a weirdly sad smile. Not something Taako wants to touch with a ten foot pole though, not with his boss, uh, no thank you. “Often when people come here… they remember someone they’ve lost. You’re not alone… in that regard.”

            Taako studies his nails. Not much point in denying it, really, if she’s already guessed. “Kind… kind of a seismic shift, huh? And maybe, maybe stopping it all… made sense, but, uh, little bit of a shock to remember that you, uh, _had_ a family and then… lost them.” The last two words fall flat, pain like poison coursing and corroding its way through Taako’s veins at the thought. Why didn’t he listen? Why didn’t he try harder? Why-

            “I… I do understand that. Not, not forgetting. But I lost… I lost my whole family as a result of the Relics as well.” The Director admits, and that gets Taako’s attention. “So I, I’m sorry.”

            Taako doesn’t acknowledge the apology or offer one in return. “Which Relic?”

            She sighs, appears to think about her answer. Taako can’t really judge that, considering he doesn’t even remember what Lup had gone after, why doesn’t he remember, why didn’t he try to understand, why- “I… Really it was the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet that shattered everything, but I can’t help but feel that all seven had their roles to play.”

            Taako nods slowly. “…You said those Red Robes were all dead, right?”

            “As far as we know, they’re gone.”

            “Pity.” Cone of Cold would have left the conversation warmer. He pushes off the dome he’d been leaning against, artificial winning smile on his face. “Good, good talk.”

            In truth, whether or not the Red Robes responsible are still around doesn’t matter. Lup, wherever she might be, does. Taako swings the Umbra Staff absentmindedly as he walks toward the party.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!
> 
> This idea came up in the tfw discord (side bar: check out weevilo and their amazing fics), and it was too much fun not to play with.
> 
> Kudos and comments, see below. All other inquiries, see [charmandhex](https://charmandhex.tumblr.com).


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